At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
