I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
