Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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