i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
