girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
