When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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