Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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