Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
