flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
