so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
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My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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