Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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