Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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