Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
