my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
