thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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