my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
