good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
