saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
