Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
