Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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