My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
