You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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