Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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