Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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