So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
