I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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