I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
