You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
