I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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