I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
