the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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