My boss' voice literally gives me gas
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
