So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You are a genius and a whore.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
