I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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