i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
