and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I want to have your abortion
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
