garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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