ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
