**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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