I look better un-naked...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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