Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
