SEEEEXXX PLEASE
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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