:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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