Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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