On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
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