She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
