I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Four minutes until I can fart!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
