That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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