first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
