careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
