You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize