Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
