sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
