I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
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I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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