I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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