She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
