watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
