The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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