For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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