There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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