All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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