dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
