addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
