Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
