Just fell off a train. Bad.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
