HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
