Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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