Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
honey bunches of taint.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
